There’s something about eating yakisoba with chopsticks that makes you want to pack all your shit, hop on a plane to Tokyo and live off of Japanese street food. Fuck it, why not? Yakisoba is one of the most versatile foods you can come across, satisfying vegans and meat eaters alike depending on what you want to add or not add. There are a thousand different ways to make Yakisoba sauce and you can add almost any vegetable or meat known to man. This just happens to be our version. (Which obviously is the fucking best.)
In a bowl, mix together the sauce ingredients and set aside. Cook the noodles according to the package instructions, if you can read. Drain and rinse with cold water, tossing the noodles with fingers or tongs to separate.
Heat the olive oil in a wok or large skillet over medium-high heat. Add garlic and sauté until the garlic is soft. Throw in the carrots first and cook until tender (since these are the densest vegetables). Toss in the mushrooms, broccoli, green onions, and cabbage. Sauté the vegetables until they are almost fully cooked.
Run water over the noodles -- yes, fucking again -- and toss to separate. Drain and dump the noodles into the wok. Give those limp noodles and vegetables a damn good toss frequently -- stirfrying is like speed dating for ingredients, constant mingling is heavily involved. Add the sauce and sauté that shit until the sauce has been soaked up by the noodles and vegetables, about 4 - 5 minutes.
Remove from heat and garnish with dried seaweed or some other nice green shit.
*You can add steak, chicken, pork or shrimp to create one awesome-ass Japanese dinner. Add the meat to the olive oil and garlic and sauté until partially cooked before adding the rest of the vegetables.